Relationships. It’s no surprise that in today’s world, we are a lot of things to a lot of different people.
As my ten-week-old son, Oliver, also know to my husband and I as, the master fighter of afternoon naps, has finally given in, I’ve found myself with some time to collect my thoughts.
As I was rocking him, patting his back, trying to turn on every device that makes noise in our kitchen to create white noise, I kept thinking to myself, “Just stop fighting it kiddo”. First I saw the big yawn followed by sleepy eyes, and finally after about 15 minutes, I could feel his little body warmly pressed against mine, and he surrendered to his afternoon nap. I must admit that I love that feeling. When that exact moment happens, I think to myself, “Whew, I did it. ”
I get told a lot that I inspire people to do more and be better.
I’m a mom, a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in law, a sister-in-law, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a friend, a fitness instructor, a Registered Nurse, and the list goes on, but I think the most powerful and influential relationship I have at this present time in my life is with myself. I get told a lot that I inspire people to do more and be better. That’s the highest form of a compliment I truly could ever receive, because honestly, in my brain, sometimes there is a lot of doubt. It doesn’t matter how many times my husband tells me I’m a great mom, or my nursing team and peers tell me I’m talented, and my fitness participants tell me they are with me for life because they love my classes, the harsh reality is that if I don’t believe those things about myself, those self-depreciating thoughts shape how I present myself to the world.
It would be really easy to say that because I am a mother, wife, a daughter, a daughter-in law, a sister- in-law, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a friend, a fitness instructor, and a Registered Nurse, that I won’t have the time to be able to train to reach these personal goals.
Accountability really is a powerful thing. This year, not only am I trying to lose baby weight, but also I’ve made a goal for myself to get into the best shape of my life. I have visions of things I want to be able to do like an unassisted pull-up and completing a 5K in 22 minutes or less. It would be really easy to say that because I am a mother, wife, a daughter, a daughter-in law, a sister- in-law, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a friend, a fitness instructor, and a Registered Nurse, that I won’t have the time to be able to train to reach these personal goals. In wearing all these hats, it’s really easy to lose that important relationship I have with myself.
Having a child, after five years of a pretty seamless marriage, has really tested our relationship. For Eric and I, it truly was like starting over. I can remember this first year of engagement when I moved in with Eric, and our seamlessly crazy- in- love dating relationship quickly turned into arguing and boundary testing. What saved us? Two simple words, “I Need…”
Relationships truly are give and take, but when we neglect that relationship with ourselves, it can lead to anger, bitterness, and frustration.
We’ve learned to prioritize our needs and aren’t afraid to ask for help from each other. I used to think asking for help would show that I didn’t have it all figured out or I would even feel selfish asking for things I need. Relationships truly are give and take, but when we neglect that relationship with ourselves, it can lead to anger, bitterness, and frustration.
Fitness is really important to me. It gives me confidence. I’ve learned to be able to say, “ I need a half hour to go for a run. Can you watch Oliver? Eric gets very irritable when he’s tired or as a business owner he feels that his work is piling up. He is learning to say, “ I need an hour to get this work done or I need a nap.” When we honor those needs, we come back feeling refreshed, more patient, and focused. The greatest form of accountability is truly being aware of what we need for ourselves.
Try to cut out or at least decrease the amount and time and energy you give a negative person or situation.
Take notice of those times when you truly feel happy, frustrated, content, or wiped-out. Try to cut out or at least decrease the amount and time and energy you give a negative person or situation. Those people and situations can be extremely draining. It’s like a hot water tank. It only has so much hot water until it is completely depleted and it takes precious time for it to fill back up. Make it a priority to identify and do those things that fill you back up and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Help doesn’t mean you are any less of a parent, spouse, or whatever role you are, it means you are smart enough to know your limits.
As we enter into this third month with Oliver, I’m feeling pretty good. Who knows what the next month will bring, but for now I NEED to go spend time with my waking family, as I know that always brings happiness to my day.