This blog isn't backed by research. This blog isn't a plug for my program. This blog probably won't even be proof read, analyzed, re-read and re-written a million times. This is a blog I've meant to write for a very long time, but I've never had the guts to do it.
Over the last 11 months, I've lost quite a bit of weight. 55lbs so far to be exact, and it's no surprise that I worked hard to lose every single ounce of it.
When I look at my before pictures the words "flabby, poor posture, and fake it until you make it" come to mind. When I look at my after picture the words "strong, confident, and happy" JUMP out at me. There is so much more that I see in those pictures. There is so much more that I want to share. There is so much more that I've lost, that pictures can't describe.
"WHY NOT ME?"
That is the single solitary question I asked myself every morning. As a new mom, when people asked me what my motivation was for losing weight, creating my own fitness programs, and staying committed, I felt conditioned to say,
"It's for my son. I want to be a good role model."
That statement is completely 100% accurate, but deep down inside, inside the root of that, was the real answer.
I wanted to be GOOD ENOUGH. I WANTED TO BE ENOUGH.
I grew up with a overly critical mother. I grew up with a father who wanted me to be a Division 1 athlete at any cost.
I just wanted to be happy.
I can remember vividly one Thanksgiving dinner where my mother stood up from the table and scolded me, in front of my then fiancé and entire family, for eating another bite of pumpkin pie.
"You've already gained so much weight. You look terrible! Don't place one more piece of food in your mouth! You have a wedding dress to fit into!"
Or her most famous phrase to say to me:
"Well if you were smart, you would have done (this)."
(Insert whatever thing she felt I should have done.)
I can remember the anger and disappointment in my fathers face when I would practice pitching a softball to him outside. I was already the fastest pitcher in the league at the young age of 10, but when I had an off day, and threw the ball over this head, it wasn't met with grace or understanding. We would just walk away mad and quit for the day. There were no words.
I can remember starting my first nursing job in the ICU. New nursing grads don't often start in critical care, but I wanted the challenge. I wanted to learn everyday. I worked with a bunch of seasoned nurses who rarely made mistakes, and at the young age of 22, I looked up to each and everyone of these nurses, even if I wasn't always treated with kindness.
I remember one day I clocked in and took a look at the assignment board. I was assigned a continuous renal replacement therapy patient. The patient was in shock and essentially almost all of their systems shut down. I had to essentially do the work of their kidneys with this high tech machine, along with a ventilator, medication drips, and many other unexpected things that happen in an ICU.
A nurse mocked, " Don't give that patient to Lisa. She will kill her!"
She later apologized to me, when the shift was over and the patient was very much alive, and I did AWESOME!
Lastly, I can remember going on CHCH Morning Live just a few months after having a C-section and promoting my fitness program. I already had so much anxiety about promoting my program just after having a baby, but I wanted to help people. I wanted to be successful. The segment went amazing, but I had one viewer who stated:
"I would expect her to be more fit being a nurse and fitness business owner."
Judged. Ridiculed. Mocked. These were the things I was carrying. Everyone else seemed so happy, successful, fit, beautiful, smart. So..
WHY NOT ME?
I couldn't find a valid reason to answer that question.
One morning, I just looked down at my son, who is the happiest, healthiest, funniest kid you'll ever meet, and my amazing supportive husband, in our beautiful home, with our beautiful pets, and with a cup of fresh coffee in my hand, I took a sip and..... I chose to let it all go! (Cue the Frozen Song!)
It was that simple.
Those memories are a part of me, but they aren't ME. I am strong, confident, loving, nurturing...awesome!
The reality I had to BELIEVE was that I get to define how I see myself. I get to define what I say to myself. I get to define how I project myself to the world. You could be the most "perfect" person in the world; whatever the heck perfect looks like or means, and someone will still criticize you.
I get to choose what lessons I teach my family. It's OK to have "off" days. It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to not know where to begin. It's OK not have it all figured out in one day. You will learn.
Let it GO.
From that day forward, I started getting up early and placing my health and fitness FIRST. I chose to read books and educate myself on the things I wanted to learn. I chose to cut off contact with relationships and people who didn't lift me up, even if they were blood and family and people who should have acted differently.
I chose to change my attitude and the weight began to fall off. I began to beam with pride with each milestone I hit in business, in relationships, in parenting and in health, and I began to challenge my clients to do more because I knew they could.
Everyone is looking for the secret weapon to lose weight and be happy.
YOU are your secret weapon.
Our life is made up of choices. Simple choices to propel you forward to keep dragging you down. Whatever it is you want.